We live in an age wherein people long for and
actively seek their true love, their soul mate, their other half, their true
heart’s duet, what have you. Now don’t get me wrong; I’m perfectly fine with
that. In fact, I’m all for love! The thing is that I’ve found that many of those
same people wind up in dysfunctional relationships and treat them like nothing
more than disposable bags—temporary and, sometimes, well, plastic (get it?).
Over
the years, I’ve witnessed how Hollywood and mainstream media have basically
glorified (and profited from) the idea of love mixed with instant
gratification: A few days on a ship with some random dude outside of your
social circle can get you the love of a lifetime. Buying your crush some soda
with a cheesy pickup line on the back of the logo can get you a girlfriend.
Sleeping with a commitment phobe a few times (and maybe throw in some dramatic
scenes in the middle) can get you a husband. All very promising, yes?
However,
what really gets my mental cogs turning and my fingers typing are dating shows,
most specifically the entire The Bachelor
franchise. Not to discredit the show and those who’ve signed on to this or
those who want to. To each his own. (And, well, it is quite entertaining.) But
frankly, it does get downright exhausting when we, the audience, are reduced to
sounding boards as girl 1 bawls in her confessional over Mick or Nick or Dick
kissing girl 12.
We
all know the premise of the show: twenty-five women (give or take) from all
across the country vie for the attention and, eventually, love of one man . . .
within a given number of weeks. Again, to each his own. This setup has already
worked for some people, so why couldn’t it work for a few more, right? No harm
in trying. Sure. But perhaps the following factors are worth further
consideration:
1. The
whole “journey” is televised. You’re gonna end up amping it up for the camera
and do so unknowingly. The need to perform is there, so emotions are undeniably
gonna run high.
2. The
whole cast is in a controlled environment. Not only will emotions run high, but
they will be also magnified—every tiny thing is gonna be an issue, every issue
is gonna be a “pivotal moment,” etc.
3. As an
extension to the aforementioned, though you’ve already developed a “deep
relationship” with the guy, it’s easy to forget that he might have the same or
an even better one with the other girls.
4. Weeks!
You’re given weeks to develop a
connection and test it out. Can you say pressure and insanity?
Of course, by the power of
mainstream television magic (i.e., superb editing), those very real factors are
masked, caked on with thick layers of makeup, so that people see rainbows,
butterflies, and wrinkle-free faces but also a few gray hairs.
And herein lies the problem,
why everyone has set such unrealistic standards and wrongful notions about love
and relationships, and why they throw everything away when the situation gets
hard or things get “boring”: we’re all exposed to some of the ugly and all of
the pretty, enough to make us think that we can be in love and work through the
bad times but not fully grasping the weight of it.
Love takes time to grow, and
relationships take work. It’s not enough to say, “I love you,” as a result of
the outpouring of your feelings for that special someone. Say it to mean that
you accept the other person for his redeeming qualities, flaws, dreams,
insecurities, etc. Also, know and understand what you are getting into when you
share your life with the other person.
Sooo . . . takeaway for this
gabfest: turn off your TV, and live under a rock.
Stay golden!
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